The day I lost it

The day I lost it

When did it happen?

3?  5?  years ago????

I honestly don’t remember.  I rarely remember most of the things.  I try.  But my memory is slipping away like fountain water.  You know, it’s actually not bad.

I always think that those who lost their memories are the blessed one.  Just like those who died before us.  No suffering no more pain.

Living is a form of pain.  No matter what you do, did, it’s a form a punishment.

Yes, yes.  Some people always find joys in their lives.  How many?

What did you do today, so far?

You wake up, routine stuff (brush your teeth, eat breakfast, showers, etc.) go to work, deal with various annoying people whom you like or dislike, get off work, go home or hang out at the pub.  This same F*ing routine everyday.  And for what?

For that tiny bit of money.  So you can survive.  Or buy things.  But what do those things good for???  Do you really like 100 pairs of shoes?  Do you need 10 different bottles of shampoo?  Do you need to?

Oh Yes, I used to too.  I worked non stop.  I worked day and night just to chase that so called dream.

Then, that day happened.  I lost it.  I lost my dream.  I lost the purpose to wake up everyday.

I refused to go to bed.  I would stay up as long as I could so that I didn’t need to wake up the next day.

Of course, eventually, I fell asleep and woke up the next day more depress than the day before.  It never ended.

The suffering never did.

Then, after all these years, I woke up.  I still don’t know what I did these past few years…..  I think that I kinda survive.

So I am still alive.

Is it a gift or a curse?